Questions (October 17, 2014)

Questions

I am not quite religious 

I am not a spiritualist either
I would say I am rather a truth-seeker
but not always a truth-teller.

In the midnight, I ask to myself,
"Have I ever shared with others
real questions of mine
that have occupied my mind, heart, intelligence
for a long time
and matter to me so much, personally,
disturbingly or liberationally
in the church
in the pulpit, in the study?"

I wonder what would happen and what it would be like
if everyone comes to church
to share their real questions
that they ask everytime,
when they are alone, or when they hear somebody's message...
the real questions that matter to them so much, personally,
and disturbingly

I wonder what would happen and what it would be like
if I speak what I truly wonder and want to explore theologically,
spiritually or scientifically,
about emotions or evolutions,
about what is potentially 'biased' politically,
- not only safe topics,
whenever I converse with people who are also truth seekers
trusting that we would accompany one another.

Would that change the church
to be a deeper community to engage
a safer community to be
or a random community
that can't maintain and develop stronger identity any longer?

No one has forced me but,
being tongue tied &
confining myself with a self-assuming role

I admit I've never shared real questions that matter personally to me

However, in this midnight moment,
rather than regretting,
I feel grateful,
because I think I feel awake more than ever
as I wonder and reflect
honestly, faithfully, truthfully

Well, even now, I don't take risks
I don't show my wings
but am aware of grace.
Grace.

We can be
a fear-full place
or
a fear-free place
or
a fearless place
or
all three
and that's the beauty

With grace,
I give permission to myself

to relax
to wonder
to feel good about this moment

yearning and believing in

the deeper community
that is called
church
the body of the human beings -
the incarnated place where God shows
Him/herself
or hides it,
or both, always.

I originally posted this to my Facebook on October 17. https://www.facebook.com/hana.park.357284