Abiding in love, abiding in one another…
John 15: 9-17
In today’s Gospel, Jesus says, “As the Father has loved me, so I have loved you; abide in my love… This is my commandment, that you love one another as I have loved you.”
The beautiful theme emerges: Abiding in love; abiding in one another.
How do we do the “abiding”? How do we abide in one another? What is an example of abiding, and of not abiding?
In the passage that we read last Sunday, Jesus says, using the image of a grape vine, “I am the vine. You are the branches. Those who abide in me and I in them bear much fruit.”
If you read these verses from the Korean translation of the Bible, the word abiding (in Korean) is closer to the meaning of ‘dwelling’. The image you can get from the Korean understanding of the word is close to the scenario of welcoming your guest into your room and letting your guest stay there with you. It is also close to the image of staying close to each other, witnessing what the other does, learning from their behaviour and following the other’s noble lifestyle.
Now, when I look at the word, “abide”, in the English dictionary, it shows me that with archaic usage, it could mean live or dwell; in our more modern usage, it means accept or act in accordance with a rule, decision or recommendation. If we use the word ‘abiding’ with this definition, abiding in love means love is the ultimate principle and norm we must conform to, and live by, as a rule.
In our reading today, Jesus’s commandment of love and abiding in love is also closely linked with his calling us to be friends: to be friends to Jesus, to be friends to one another through Jesus, as the divine connector; the divine VINE. Let us hear again verses 14 and 15: “You are my friends if you do what I command you. I do not call you servants any longer, because the servant does not know what the master is doing; but I have called you friends, because I have made known to you everything that I have heard from my Father.”
When I tried to integrate the two pieces together — Jesus’ commandment to abide in love and his calling to be friends — I was stunned by an insight: The love we must abide by in our relationship with Jesus does not operate on hierarchy — Jesus as the divine master and ourselves as the lowly earth-dwellers. Jesus says, “I have called you my friends because I have made known to you everything that I have heard from my Father.” “Made known everything” to us. The love of Jesus that we are called to abide by is grounded in our desire to know and to be known through mutual relationship.
Last week I had a chance to speak with my new friend (known through work) by video chat. We share many mutual interests, theological questions and curiosity about life in general, so it was natural for us to try to get to know each other more. While we were enjoying our very first, and twelve minute “virtual” coffee time, and the conversation was flowing, my friend said to me, “If you try to minister to me, we can’t be friends.” That made me wonder and address our next question to explore together: What does it mean to be a friend and not be a friend in a church context? Or in ministry? What is our call for ministry? This calling is not just for those who claim their vocation as a profession. Every one of us is called to be the minister among the ministers, priest among the priests, to be the healer in the world. Can we be both the minister among the ministers and the friend among friends at the same time?
Following that conversation with my friend, I continued to explore the definition of ministry. One important component we must consider in this exploration must be the reality and the context of hierarchy (in authority or in profession.) In particular, United Church ministers and their role are seen as providing care professionally. In addition to the danger of the misuse of power in the relationship between parishioners and the clergy, it is a profession. The clergy does not expect the congregation to provide care back to them.
Some might say, ministry as a profession is not personal, while friendship is personal.
One difference between pastoral relations as a profession and providing care as friends may lie in the fact that in friendship, the two in the partnership choose friendship for the benefit of another and themselves, and the friendship is developed through expressing or communicating to clarify the expectations about the relationship (the consent.)
Ministry and friendship can use each other as a metaphor. True and healthy friendship must abide with our calling to be pastors to all around us. True ministry comes from the heart, like a true friendship, where we are compassionate to each other’s pain and joy, and mutuality. Mutuality is not automatic. In our real and practical worlds, one hundred percent transparent mutuality may be a theory. But we try hard to make barriers lower or non-existent, to be on the same level as much as we can make it be and to truly welcome others to share their stories, and share their life with us.
In friendship, there’s intimacy in the connection. At the same time, true friends are also plain in speaking to each other and they tell one another the truth.
Speaking openly as friends can be a radical act because we consider each other as companion and partner. In friendship, we risk in hearing, risk in speaking, risk to be friends.
In our ministry together, at Immanuel and elsewhere, we must keep in our understanding both ethics and the consciousness that our roles operate based on granted power, authority, and respect. Healthy boundaries should always be taken in, acknowledged and respected. With this ethical standard, we must also remember that we are called to be friends to one another, through the model of Jesus, the diVINE, abiding in love, abiding in one another.
Love is the same calling we must abide by in our home, in our workplace, in our daily encounters, in all of our relations. We are… you know… called to be boundary-dwellers. Personally I have been thinking about my relationship with you, and concluded (as a developing conclusion) that rather than the desire to be professionally distant, I would like to reimagine a true pastoral relationship, differing from the more traditional model of a structured dyadic relationship between an expert and another (less knowledgeable or less healthier). I would live by the high ideal of mutuality: being honest with ourselves and others in our work, inviting dialogue, willing to struggle and willing to change.
Back to the “virtual” coffee time. My friend, then, became excited to tell me, by text message, “Actually, now that I think about JC” — JC is the virtual abbreviation of Jesus Christ — “is all about a life that both was in - and - that transcended boundaries. For example, connecting human/divine, earthly/heavenly, physical/spiritual. Is he not the “/“ in each of these? I feel a book coming on!.” Then a big emoji of “haha”.
Jesus says, “As the Father has loved me, so I have loved you; abide in my love.” “This is my commandment, that you love one another as I have loved you.” “I do not call you servants any longer, because the servant does not know what the master is doing; but I have called you friends, because I have made known to you everything that I have heard from my Father.”
In our sojourning — jour means daily — let us continue our exploration on relationship, … our JC work. How do we do the abiding? How do we abide in Jesus’ love? In one another? What is the example of abiding, and of not abiding? As a vine unfurls in the springtime, growing and exploring the vibrant earth beneath it, let us grow and explore together, in love and friendship.
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