Wild Space
Matthew 14:13-21
Series 1-4
#wild space
#the impossible
#coming out
#imago dei
Once my family moved to Manitoba, we immediately learned
that Manitoba is bison country. As you know, all Manitoba license plates have a
bison picture on them. After we became Manitoba residents, my family acquired a
collection of little bison figurines that live in the upstairs bathroom and the
children’s toy boxes. My family likes to go to Forth Whyte Alive, and the first
thing my kids run to as soon as we enter the main building are the life-sized,
stuffed bison. Those things remind my family that we now live in bison country,
and over the past years, I’ve learned and developed respect for the important
place bison have in indigenous spirituality and tradition. Truthfully, only
after a real-life encounter with a herd of bison, last weekend, at the bison
enclosure at Riding Mountain, have I truly come to know this amazing creature’s
power and dignity.
Last weekend, my family were camping near Clear
Lake, and, following the instructions of the information center’s staff, we
drove out at 7:30 pm to see the bison for ourselves. When we got
there, at about 8:15, no bison were on the scene just the beautiful
scenery in this picture. Wildflowers, tall grasses and the loud, pleasant sound
of insects… We had to drive on the same narrow roads inside the enclosure
several times, over and over. (Until almost 9:30 pm - still like
daytime, bright, but with the sun slowly setting, the breezes becoming cooler, the
heat calmer.) Min-Goo and I were ready to give up. The kids had already lost
interest, chattering loudly, bothering their parents. The windows were open,
then … “Shh!” “Quiet” When we were just about to pass between the thick bushes,
one bison was quenching his thirst,
When something is really real, it feels like it’s
almost unreal. New understanding and appreciation are born, when a sense of awe
takes the place of our past, limited, concept of what we thought we knew. When
this happens, we say, “It is real.” “It is different.” There’s an element in
these encounters which moves us into realms of “genuine transcendence.”
In today’s Gospel, the disciples tell Jesus,
“Teacher, this is a deserted place. It is almost nighttime. Send these people
away so that they may go into the villages and buy food for themselves.”
What I
hear from what the disciples tell Jesus is ‘These people just met. They don’t
know each other well. We don’t know them well, either. We think that it is
better to send them away, and let them find what they need for themselves.’
The
disciples, like us, have yet to learn what strength we can find in diversity,
even in the midst of what seems like a random crowd of strangers. This miracle
story asks one question: When we are just a random group of people, not fully
bloomed into a community, how do we find the strength for compassion, care, and
courage? When do we recognize the change and say, “This community is powerful.
It is real. It is different?”
Imagine, 12 people sitting with Jesus at a small
local church. It is nighttime. They have to spend the night together as a
group, a commitment they agreed to before they entered this space. They are
supposed to find common ground, common purpose as a group that will make them
one, united, a model of a better future for the world and for themselves -
a.k.a., the Kingdom of God. They ask “How can a different world be made
possible?”
These twelve may be a random group of people. They
may be women or men, cisgender or transgender, student or senior, poor or rich,
indigenous member or settler immigrant, black or white, gay or straight,
progressive or conservative, Muslim or Christian. (and other identity markers, different life experiences, careers, origins, backgrounds)
Wonder
with me, how can these people find and create the strength for compassion, care
and courage, together? The five loaves and two fishes do not only mean physical
sustenance but the understanding of what the Kingdom of God ought to be, as a
vision for us to live out. How do we realize God’s message in each of our lives,
to change others’ and our own – for good? “I have created you in my image:
Therefore, you are good. You are beautiful. You are whole”.
Creative tension may be unavoidable - even
necessary. Tension can inspire learning, study, listening, conversation. The
best recipe for a healthy, inclusive community calls for honest conversation,
loving affirmation, and open, reliable lines of communication. There’s also the
understanding that I matter as we all matter, and we all matter as I matter. In
this community, we become excited when we can tell everyone, “I have five
loaves and two fish I would be so excited to offer. They are my gifts.”
A few
months ago, I was talking to a very wise indigenous elder about my situation.
Without saying anything in return, she took out a small rock from her bag and
handed it to me, and said, “This is my gift. Know that gift comes with
teaching.”
 |
| "This is my gift. Know that gift comes with teaching." |
The gifts we share with one another often come with
‘teaching.’ Birthday gifts are always fun to open. But gifts such as our
valuable insights, perspectives, work, and calling, especially if they have
truth in them and have come through deep reflection and experiences of life and
ministry, ...
these gifts may be challenging. Such gifts come with teaching. The question is then how we, diverse and united,
can enter into realms of ‘genuine transcendence’, by way of including everyone
and embracing everyone’s deep, challenging, strength.
I am glad that I am now able to sharpen my
understanding of why inclusion is important in community, why inclusion adds
real strength to any community. I admit my failure as well. And I would like to
sincerely apologize to anyone who felt there weren’t fully open lines of
communication between us because of my weakness. I know I need to climb a mountain
of learning, and listening, to be truly inclusive of others as I wish to be
truly included. The only way to make that happen is through never closing my eyes
and ears, to truly hear and see, and to have the vulnerability to embrace and
acknowledge the strength of others. I also have learned this: If I truly want to be accountable to my
community, I must first find a way to be accountable to the truth within me,
and must offer my truest self, which some anthropologists have called “wild
space.”
Wild space is the part of each of us
that doesn’t quite fit into our conventional worlds. For some of
us, it may be the consumer and market-oriented, individualistic, greedy world
(Sallie McFague). Wild space can be “queer self”, or what I call “cultural”
coming out as a Korean, feminist, passionate person. Maybe we have some wild
space because we are different – in all the ways that people are different from
one another. Many of us wondered a lot,
when we were young, why there are divides between cultures and races, and
realized: “These divides are uncomfortable; they don’t seem right.” Whatever
makes it possible to think outside the box, to have a different interpretative
lens, to think, to know, that things
ought to be different - not just for oneself but for the world - is useful wild
space. (Sallie McFague.)
Jesus had a lot of wild space. As we are, together,
the body of Christ, we also have this wild space, and a lot of it. If
we are the body of Christ, and we work through Christ, with Christ, in Christ,
we also must work through us, with us, and in us.
In order to see differently, to
entertain the possibility of a different world, we must let our wild space come
out from its hiding place. It is not easy. We are human
- afraid of other’s judgments on our
truest feelings or thoughts. We might have been given the message that our
voices, our selves do not matter. We have seen some people share their opinions
without respect for others. For many reasons, this ‘wild space coming out’
seems risky.
Yet, what Jesus shows us through this miracle of the
five loaves and two fishes is that God “comes out” as a truly divine
presence of Radical love that dissolves all rigid boundaries of Self and the
Other. We also have this responsibility and accountability to God and God’s
people to come out with our wild space to enter into the sacred reality of
transformation together.
If we wish for our community to experience
genuine transcendence, we must know that our wild space is the gift. If we have
kept it just to ourselves, hidden, we may not know how it has awesome BISON
power and dignity. Risky, for sure, but the act of coming out is sacred,
touching the truth, touching our strength.
May we open ourselves to the glory
of God, whose power working in us can do more than we ask or imagine. It is
real. It is different – a thing of great power, long searched-for, and now,
right in front of us, close enough to touch – if we dare.
Photo credits: all mine.
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