My son's God experience

After my prayer, I put my hands on my heart yesterday night, I felt some kind of air reaching down on my hands. I And then when I wondering what kind of air hand it was. Thats when I closed my eye. I saw some yellow words in my mind. I thought it was some kind of vision but it wasn’t.
It stayed in my mind for a full minute. The words read: This is my hand. I bless you. I am God.
                      


This is a true story. 

My son's first novel: THE MAGIC BROOM (BY PEACE KANG)



THE MAGIC BROOM
       BY: PEACE KANG


Some times witches’ brooms loose power. In most times, the witches feel the power running out, so they change to a new broom. But unfortunately some times their brooms run out of power in an instant, and they fall off. 

And that’s what happened this one afternoon, a widow was taking a walk in her garden when a witch fell in her cabbage patch. She looked down and saw the witch. The witch was wounded so the widow picked the witch up and carried the witch into her house and placed the witch carefully on her bed. The witch fell sound asleep and woke up in middle of the night all her wounds were healed and she tip toed out of the room and quietly past the sleeping widow and out the door and waited outside until another witch came and had a nice talk and flew off, and into the night. 

The very next day the widow heard sweeping out the bedroom door. Curiously she walked out the door and guess what she saw? She saw a broom sweeping by it self. But then she thought it will be useful for a broom to sweep instead of her. After a while the widow got bored of all the sweeping and thought if the broom could learn something, other than sweeping, so she taught the broom to do all sorts of stuff but the broom was an extraordinary student, since when you show it how to do once, you don't have to teach it twice. One afternoon while the broom was chopping trees, the widow told about every one of her neighbours that she had a magic broom, when one of the them wanted the proof. When the husband of the other family said: THAT BROOM HAS TO BE REMOVED AS SOON AS POSSIBLE and the wife agreed. That afternoon, three men were at the door and they were there to burn the broom! So the widow led them in and whispered:The broom sleeps right there. So they lifted the broom and burned it to ashes. The next day the widow telling frightening news: She has seen the ghost of the broom at night. The mean people who burned the broom didn't believe her, but the next night they saw it! The ghost of the broom! And the next night, he saw the ghost again carrying an axe but closer. The next night they heard five loud BANG on their door. The widow was asleep when she heard music she woke up and saw the broom then she said, “You have used your white paint wisely, go have a bath and rinse the paint off?” And so the broom did.


THE END 

Memorial service sermon in the form of a letter (Nov 1st, 2014)

Scripture:
2 Corinthians 5: 1-5
For we know that when this tent we live in now is taken down—when we die and leave these bodies—we will have wonderful new bodies in heaven,  homes that will be ours forevermore, made for us by God himself, and not by human hands.
How weary we grow of our present bodies.  That is why we look forward eagerly to the day when we shall have heavenly bodies which we shall put on like new clothes.  For we shall not be merely spirits without bodies.  These earthly bodies make us groan and sigh, but we wouldn’t like to think of dying and having no bodies at all.  We want to slip into our new bodies so that these dying bodies will, as it were, be swallowed up by everlasting life.  This is what God has prepared for us and, as a guarantee, he has given us his Holy Spirit.

Message

Dear ____,
I never had a chance to meet you personally,
but I feel quite close to you
since I read the autobiography you left to your family and friends  -
The Streams of Life Run Fast.
You wrote,
“I am sharing this story of my life, my memoirs, if you will,
not because it is an exceptional story to anyone else
but because it is exceptional to me and my family.”

I imagine you wove
these treasured stories
with concentration, finding the threads of memory and feeling,
binding them with words
clear and reminiscent.

When you were writing them,
your weary body was forgotten.
You describe those days of your youth
from a sure and certain perspective
as you were at four
or 15
in your twenties, or in your thirties.
The streams of life truly do run fast.
They wash us over us
with surprising force,
scouring us
deeply and intensively
just as much as we can handle.
They forbid us to forget
about the end;
what refreshes us wears us,
bearing us onward as we look back.

You have embraced your life
your joys and blessings,
your adversities and despairs.
Shining through all
through the years you have had,
the core of your heart,
your luminous inward part,
has not changed.
That light was the anchor
that held you in a stronger place
that kept you from defeat
in the hardest times, the darkest places.

I read the following reflection once
from a book I enjoyed, Falling Upward
“Your True Self is
who you objectively are from the beginning
in the mind and heart of God,
‘the face you had before you were born’
as the Zen master say.
It is your substantial self,
Your absolute identity, which can be neither gained
nor lost.”

Dear ____,
We grieve that your death is our loss,
But at the same time we also believe that we have not lost you at all
We are not here to speculate on the location of your soul.
We proclaim the hope that sustains us in the face of life and death,
the core that was you as you were.
The radiant core of your being – the giving, the determination, the pride, the strength which kept you moving through the streams of your life. Your journey was never easy but it was splendidly completed with dignity, beauty and strength. All of these qualities, plus your compassion,
now rest in the breadth of the universe
that our God has created and has become.
In God’s embrace, every being living and dying in our universe is metamorphosed, blessed and transformed to become part of a whole, ever-changing but constant in praising the beauty of life.

Life is precarious, but God’s love is absolute.
God meets you in every corner of the universe
as you nurture the matrix of life
by which all beings are sustained.

And, just as the earthly Jean has passed away the Jean of the universe, Spirit, freed, joins in God’s work to make everything new –
new heaven and new earth.
We know this, we send our blessings with you.
Be glad and continue your journey.
Enter with joy the dynamic presence of God.
Amen.


Theme Conversation this Sunday (October 26, 2014): Nothing Can Trouble

THEME CONVERSATION this Sunday:
This Sunday, I am hoping to introduce a Taize chant (Nothing Can Trouble, in VU 290) to our children and youth using the time for Conversation.
I think it is very timely at such time as this, and it is beautiful and comforting.
What I am thinking is
I’ll sing it for children and youth (and the congregation) as I introduce this chant for them,
and explain why I chose this one for chanting together,
then, tell my story of what I experienced in Taize community in February, 2005.
When we pray, we just need to bring ourselves, sit and talk to the heart of ourselves and to God.
‘What’s happening around me and around the world? What I am afraid of? What I am hoping for?
How is God related to me and to the world now?’
I’ll introduce a prayer to our children and youth:
“Jesus our peace,
by the Holy Spirit you always come to us.
And in the deepest part of our soul,
there is the wonder of a presence.
Our prayer may be quite poor,
But you pray within us.”
We need to wage love and peace. Peace is active, something we make. (Inspiration from my friend Lauren Aldred)
At the end, we will chant together Nothing Can Trouble (VU 290) a few times.

On Intercultural Ministry # 2 (October 21, 2014)

On Intercultural Ministry # 2

It is from my email I sent to my friends re: the expression, 'becoming more clearly intercultural." 
How do you think?
-------------
Two thoughts for now:
First, I feel unsure about whether intercultural is what needs a sort of ‘approval’. The expression that ‘becoming more clearly intercultural’ does not seem to sound right, to me. (However, I thank our friend for presenting that description because it is very useful for me to build up my thoughts and argumentation, here.) From my point of view, being intercultural is how we, or some of us, feel about what we need to do, how we think about ourselves, how we can relate to one another better and in a deeper way, and how we listen, how we learn and we grow.
It’s not what we engage with in the way and as if we put it among the competing agendas for securing a visioning priority of our church and as if only by doing so and therefore having the council's approval, we can start doing anything about it, clearly and ‘boldly!!'. Becoming intercultural is what we live out, at anytime when there is one or two voices coming up and being united because they feel a sense of urgency and goodness about it.
If ‘becoming more clearly intercultural' is about increasing the numbers of people with diverse ethnics and diversifying the shades and colours - so changing the face of the congregation - , well, I would still wonder whether it really needs the Council’s approval for that direction, but even if it does so, … that is not in my mind as my primary concern and enthusiasm. Because I believe, 'becoming more clearly intercultural’ is, most of all, about how we claim and enjoy the transforming process in which we are changed, challenged, comforted and inspired by one another. Put it differently, It is an emboldened action in faith to let others change us, challenge us, comfort us, and inspire us! It simply falls on the category that is general and for all, we believers - - how we live out faith in love and in action. When we think in this way, becoming intercultural is not what we need to wait for the Council’s approval, but we must start at any time when there is energy, growing interest, enthusiasm, and momentum.
What we need from the Council is their support, and their willingness to learn, grow, and participate. However, the Council’s approval is not the preliminary condition or foundation in which our effort grows and bears fruit.
Second, having the above in mind, 'that ‘becoming clearly intercultural’ does not wait for Council’s approval' also means that we don’t necessarily need to invest our energy in convincing the Council, as our effort's primary target. They are not our primary target. As our friend affirms, “we can grow this priority” from the grass roots up. We can act as the vessels in the plant’s stem at this point. We help the liquids (resources) flow through and reach to each cell (people), and together we are part of the plant and grow as an organic body. The primary targets are each and every person we meet in the church.
Please let me know, if anything above is not clear, or should you have any question or concerns, let me know.

I originally posted to my Facebook page on October 21: https://www.facebook.com/hana.park.357284

On Intercultural Ministry # 1 (October 20, 2014)

On Intercultural Ministry # 1

Intercultural Ministry?
If you are one of those who are interested in intercultural ministry, please read my earlier posting on Immigration and neo-liberalism/Immigration is a big bang.
I firmly believe if we don't consider the facts I pointed out in the posting, intercultural ministry loses its <liberating> potential.
We would like to see the congregation that consists of diverse people with different ethnic, cultural backgrounds and heritages. However, if not we hear the sound of the big bang they have gone through and if not we give the message that liberates, heals, affirms, encourages, challenges people and that speak to their experiences,
why would we endeavor to engage with intercultural ministry?
A very important question would be; so why do we engage and will do intercultural ministry?
To GIVE the message to LIBERATE and heal
Not RECRUIT them for the possibly hidden agendas such as
growing numbers
or the ideals for diverse ethnics getting to know each other
and welcoming one another
like in the kin-dom of God.

I originally posted this to my Facebook page on October 20: https://www.facebook.com/hana.park.357284

Immigration and Neo-Liberalism (October 20, 2014)

Immigration and Neo-Liberalism

Immigration. How do you think about immigration? 
How I think about immigration may be quite different from how other immigrants would think about it and their experiences. However here is my reflection that I can't contain in myself any more - , and now I don't want to.
Immigration is, first of all, celebration, because all immigrants get that permanent resident status through a very very hard process mainly to prove that they satisfy all the qualifications and standards of education, wealth, skills, age - which gives an idea of their human power (labour) - and family/children. They bring their whole self, dreaming that they will find a 'culture' that will give them a nurture, but the real expectation is what they can bring to the 'economy' of the host country. So there's a gap; culture vs. economy
Second, and this is important to be noted:
Immigration is an expulsion
It is a big bang
people experience
they are expulsioned - expelled from their home country
Neo-liberalism that snares and swallows and
oppresses all corners of the world
to make them put money and the economy and the transnational companies and capitals's self-increase and expansion on everything else
The neo-liberalism
that drives ordinary people to the very end of the corner
so that they are left with only desperate few choices for survival
has made the roads, the paths, the paved roads people walk on
like a LAVA
that people can't really walk on
if not they risk their lives and safety for money,
for agendas for survival and competition
People don't breathe for the fresh air - the gift of the nature and life
they breathe just because they have to
They can't save their community, but they know that
they can save their three or four member household, at least, and that's all
So people choose to expulsion
they choose to be big banged
After all, immigration is disaspora
phenomenally, tragic diaspora
after the expulsion
they've become a scattered seed
uprooted, scattered, and flown away
they have no where to land, really,
so they gather to live as a ghetto among themselves
known to each other as the same ethnic
In the middle of the cold air
they live as a ghetto
They meet others - the host people, culture, system,
but most often those places are
at the markets or in the medical clinics
and they are greeted there
with welcome.
I have wondered why, for a long time,
maybe because money bridges them all, there?
There are many hopes, the places for hope, we can find,
but we also need to be bold to say
what is perceived as it is
we don't shed lights only on success
we hear the stories of struggles, too.

I originally posted this to my Facebook page on October 20: https://www.facebook.com/hana.park.357284

Where Waters Meet (October 19, 2014)

Where Waters Meet

The following inspiration on Water has come from my new friend, Melanie Kampen. The inaccuracies are due to my capacity in noting things in English.
"When I think about water I am drawn into the healing capacity of water, the basic sustenance for our lives (physical/spiritual sustenance), and also to the chaotic aspect of water.
I hold two things together - water as unsettling and also water as healing
These reflections offer the invitation to ….muddy waters of Winnipeg - muddy waters. The violence... what is happening to this muddy waters…the missing and murdered indigenous woman ….
Idle no more movement which is both the indigenous and settler movement …. invite us to the muddy water…unsettling our own waters..our life that is messy… And the spirit that troubles and heals at the same time."

I originally posted this to my Facebook page on October 19: https://www.facebook.com/hana.park.357284

The Name for God (October 19, 2014)

The Name for God

I've sent the following message to someone I've recently got to know a little bit deeper.
--------
The following does not fully reflect how I perceive, theologically think upon, and experience God. However, after our conversation, and after I attended “Where Waters Meet” gathering, I thought of this.
Later on, I hoped to share this reflection with you as our ongoing dialogue on God and our relationship with it (the presence, the dynamic entity or non-entity, the evolving process that is pregnant of possibilities) I posted it to my Facebook. FB is my personal journal.
It is a very valuable and hard question – it has been in my mind for a long time – ; how to pray when our understanding has reached to a post-theistic God (which means we don’t think God as a God like a person who intervenes in our lives like a watchmaker fixes its clock.)

The Name for God

First peoples, Korean storytellers 
call the moon
grandmother, older sister,
loving the energy of the moon

First peoples, their ancestors
call the water our sister
our brother, our father, our mother
loving the healing and unsettling power of the water

Isn't it beautiful
that we call these things
with the names for our relations, our relatives, our family members, our parents

No wonder that we call God - the 'it' -
with the names for our relations, our relatives, our family members, our parents
with the names that we have saved dearly for our beloved ones
my lover...

I originally posted this to my Facebook page, on October 19. https://www.facebook.com/hana.park.357284

Questions (October 17, 2014)

Questions

I am not quite religious 
I am not a spiritualist either
I would say I am rather a truth-seeker
but not always a truth-teller.
In the midnight, I ask to myself,
"Have I ever shared with others
real questions of mine
that have occupied my mind, heart, intelligence
for a long time
and matter to me so much, personally,
disturbingly or liberationally
in the church
in the pulpit, in the study?"
I wonder what would happen and what it would be like
if everyone comes to church
to share their real questions
that they ask everytime,
when they are alone, or when they hear somebody's message...
the real questions that matter to them so much, personally,
and disturbingly
I wonder what would happen and what it would be like
if I speak what I truly wonder and want to explore theologically,
spiritually or scientifically,
about emotions or evolutions,
about what is potentially 'biased' politically,
- not only safe topics,
whenever I converse with people who are also truth seekers
trusting that we would accompany one another.
Would that change the church
to be a deeper community to engage
a safer community to be
or a random community
that can't maintain and develop stronger identity any longer?
No one has forced me but,
being tongue tied &
confining myself with a self-assuming role
I admit I've never shared real questions that matter personally to me
However, in this midnight moment,
rather than regretting,
I feel grateful,
because I think I feel awake more than ever
as I wonder and reflect
honestly, faithfully, truthfully
Well, even now, I don't take risks
I don't show my wings
but am aware of grace.
Grace.
We can be
a fear-full place
or
a fear-free place
or
a fearless place
or
all three
and that's the beauty
With grace,
I give permission to myself
to relax
to wonder
to feel good about this moment
yearning and believing in
the deeper community
that is called
church
the body of the human beings -
the incarnated place where God shows
Him/herself
or hides it,
or both, always.
I originally posted this to my Facebook on October 17. https://www.facebook.com/hana.park.357284

A Few Important Things to Remember (October 8, 2014)

A few important things I must remind myself of in ministry in my context

1) Don't care that I may look less smart than I wish I would for speaking with accent and with some errors in the uses of prepositions, etc, etc. 
2) Make sure to let that feeling go and let your spirit flow even more so when you talk with youth/teens. Remember that you meet them with your integrity facing forward. You are not there to impress them, but to engage with them.
3) Don't give in or let others' agendas replace your own agenda. 
4) Fight with your own fear or anxiety re: time pressure. I mean, even if it is the last minute when everyone in the group wants to wrap up the meeting as soon as possible, if you feel that you need to speak, speak and don't worry that others may make a frown face to you, because they will not. It is not the same that YOU speak to that those who always speak first and always speak again.
And these four things are the hardest to keep, personally. They are almost spiritual practices which require the stronger sense of inner authority and peace about myself.

If you want to check out people's replied and join in the conversations, please send me friend request to https://www.facebook.com/hana.park.357284.

For Whom Sexuality Is Still A Trouble (October 5, 2014)

On Sexuality, Culture, and Christian Church worship
Copying it from my Facebook (https://www.facebook.com/hana.park.357284) If you want to check out people's replies and join in the conversation, send me friend request to my FB account.

As I reflect on my life, except for a few courses I took at University or other rare learning opportunities, I have learned to repress one's sexuality. When I grew up in Korea, the schools never allowed their students from letting their hairs grow long once they enter the junior high school. All the students had to wear school uniforms to be seen all same. My friends and I often saw the teens who were in dating outside the school rules ended up with big troubles. My church was the place that made me regret that I was born as a girl, not a boy. After some years in University, a short, special time period when all the students are suddenly given a permission from the society to explore youth and sexuality, they get married and build a family. Your sex becomes equated with your gender roles. That's my story on sexuality experienced as a Korean female, before I moved to Canada.
Now I am very grateful for my recent discovery and new appreciation on sexuality: sexuality rather than to be used, exploited, abused or controlled, but to be expressed, appreciated and affirmed so that it can perform its creative power that can heal a person. It can help one cast out the burdens of oppression and shame.
I wondered:
what if the church is the place where not only sexuality is 'discussed', but celebrated, where the broken part of a human soul is recognized and the healing is ritualized, and where not only love as agape but love as eros is praised.
It would be a very interesting question for me, personally, studying Jesus teaching on human sexuality. Did he ever?
Sexuality is un-finite. De-finite. There may be In-finite between homosexuality and heterosexuality.
And it seems also interesting to me: so now, theatres celebrate love as eros, arts do so, musics do so, novels do so, and offers their answers in a variety of forms to respond to the question how our new appreciation on human sexuality and love can be employed as a tool to bring equity, freedom, healing, and change.
I wonder, why Christian worship, as an art form, wouldn't do so, to be the feast to celebrate the God's gift given to us to use it with ethics and conscience, discernment, and love. I wonder whether we can be a community that intends to help others for whom sexuality is still a trouble.

한국 교회 내 여성 차별, 양성 불평등, 여성목회자 배제 문화, '사모' 경험과 나의 목회 비젼에 대하여

한국 교회 여성차별, 양성 불평등의 문제를 생각하며...
한국 교회 문화에서 '사모'라는 '비' 직분에 대하여...
그리고 나의 목회 비젼과 테마에 대하여... "다시 태양이 되기 위하여"

-------------------------------------------------------------------------------

나에게는 현재, 마음 속에 풀뿌리처럼 심은 세 가지 비젼이 있는데, 그 중 하나가 한국 교회 내에서 조직적이고, 체계적이고, 문화적이고, 정치적인, 여성차별적, 가부장제적 권위, 차별, 배제의 문화에 대하여 도전할 수 있는 개인적, 영성적, 상호교류적 역량과 내/외적 권위을 키운다는 것이다. 

교회는 사회의 정치, 경제, 문화적 '시스템'에 대하여, 돌을 던지며 수면 위의 파랑만을 일으킬 것이 아니라, 그 시스템의 수심 깊이의 '전체', 수면을 떠받치는 물의 부피와 흐름과 그 무거움과 그 끝이 없는 시스템 전체에 직접 자기의 몸을 집어 던져서 들어가 그 부피의 크기와, 끝이 없는 흐름과 싸우고 헤엄칠 수 있어야 하는데, 나는 한국 교회의 현재의 지독히 재미없음과 부패와 혼돈과 억압적 문화를 떠받치고 있는 '골격'이 배타적, 배제적, 차별적, 남성 연장자 중심의 가부장제라고 생각한다.

(이를테면 한국 교회를 엑스레이를 찍어본다고 하자. 골격, 그 뼈대가 찍힐 텐데, 그것은 무엇일까? 내가 생각하기에는 이렇다. 한국 교회를 떠받치는 그 골격, 그 뼈대는 남성 연장자 목회자 중심의 닫힌 체계, 여성에게는 사다리도 없는, 네트워크로의 초대가 이루어지지 않는 군대문화의 형태를 띄고 있는 한국형 가부장제이다. 그리고 이 군대문화는, 지난 독재 정권과 군대의 위계적/억압적 문화와 비민주적 폭력의 협박 속에서, 사회 곳곳의 영역에서, (목회 현장에서도 마찬가지) 시위와 새로운 목소리를 차단하고, 상위 위계에의 복종 또는 순종을 요구하고, 여성의 창의성과 자유로움과 권위를 허락하지 않고 '차별적' 조직의 형성이라고하는 특별한 방향을 만들어내는, 한국인이 모두 공유하는 집합적 의식이 되고 말았다... 더 확장하면, 한국이 선진국의 대열에 들어가겠다며, 가난과 없음을 이겨보겠다고 모두가 합의를 던져 준 경제개발지상주의는 한국 정치에서 독재정권이라는 무서운 역사를 낳았을 뿐 아니라, 이것은 큰 그림에서 전세계를 서서히 달구고 이제는 정치에 문외한인 평범한 사람들조차 수긍하지 않을 수 없고 인식하게 된 신자유주의라는 용광로안으로 한국민, 한국 전체를 현재도 자발적으로 계속 걸어 들어가게 하고 있는 것인데,

한국 교회의 여성이 희생되고, 배제되고, 헌신이 요구되고, 조용히 있도록 억압하는 불평등하고 억압적인 문화는 이 전체의 큰 틀거리 하에서 계속 연료가 제공되고 있는 것이다.

이런 큰 전체의 성장주의적, 억압적 시스템 안에서, 아파하며 희생된 약자들, 주변화된 것들과 사람들이, 갖가지의 색깔로, 각 영역에서, 그 깊이와 수면에서 얼굴을 들며 일어나는데,

웬일인지 한국 교회내 여성 불평등의 문제는 지나치게 조용하다는 것이 나를 불편하게 만든다.....그리고 그 불편하게 만드는 그 침묵에 내가 있다는 것이 나를 더 불편하게 만든다.

교회내 여성 차별, 성차별, 양성 불평등이라는 악이, 아픔이, 여전히, 강력한 배제의 힘으로 작동하고 교회라는 세월호를 계속 전진하게 하는 것이라는 점을 거울처럼 잘 비추어주는 극명한 사례 영역 중 하나는 교회내 '사모'라고 하는 성경적 근거도, 그리스도교적 역사적 근거도 찾아볼 수 없는 이상한 직분과 사모들의 우울증이다. 한국교회의 기형적인 형태가 정상인것처럼, 그래서 계속 전진해도 되는 것처럼, 모두가 착각하고 있거나 믿게 하려고 하는데, 사회의 계속적인 변화 속에서도 사람들이 지속적으로 위로를 찾거나, 지속적으로 위로를 찾게 하기 위하여, 아무도 건들지 않는 아주 깊은 곳에 있는 악은 변장된 위로처인 가부장제, 그 질서가 주는 위안이다. '그래, 이렇게 따뜻한 가부장제라는 미덕이, '사랑'과 희생, 헌신과 보살핌이,아직도 한국 교회에는 있다'라는 위안. 혹시 그 위안 때문에 모두들 '사모'라고 하는 성경적 근거도 없고, 그리스도교적 역사적 근거도 없는, 목회자도, 평신도도 아닌, 남편의 '근처', '그림자', '달'이라고 하는 '섬김'이라는 미덕을 껴안아 감당하도록 기대받고 기대하며, 혼돈에 빠지게 되는 사모라는 한국 교회의 가부장제의 희생처에 대하여 아무도 문제를 제기하지 않는 것은 아닌가.

하지만 내가 꿈꾸는 비젼 중 하나는, 사모가, 또 교회내 여성이, 특별히 교회 내 목회자라고 하는 아름답고 당당한 길을 걷고자 하는 젊고 건강하고 영감 있는 여성이, 한국 교회 문화에서 배제되고 차별되고 권위를 부여받지 못하는 존재들이 '다시 태양이 되기를 꿈꿀 때' 그 변형적 스파크는 한 개인이 다시 부활함에만 미치는게 아니라, 그들이 태어난 한국 교회 문화를 집합적으로 변화시키는 역량으로 기여할 것이라 믿는 것이고, 이것은 내 목회의 근간을 이루는 테마이다.

다음의 경우는 지난 8년동안 (나의 성인시기, 짧은 한국 개신교회 경험에서 시작된) 내가 한국 교회의 안팎에서 (한국의 상황과, 캐나다에 이주해 온 목회자 부부의 상황을 포함하여) 많이 본 것인데, 남녀 부부가 함께 신학교 교육과정을 이수하고, 전도사 일까지 했음에도 불구하고, 결혼을 하고 남편이 안수를 받거나 유학을 하거나 하면, 그 아내는 목회자로서의 역량이 얼마나 뛰어나거나 자신이 얼마나 자발적으로 그 삶의 방향을 수용하고 사랑하느냐, 아니면 속에서 속을 끓으며 아파하는데까지 이르느냐와 상관 없이, 목회자로서 성장하는 길을 계속 걷는 것을 중단한다.

또, 신학교에 입학하여 결국 졸업에까지 성공적으로 이르는 남녀 학생의 비율과, 졸업한 학생들 중에서도, 그 이후에 밟아나가야하는 지난한 여정 중, 남성중심적인 제도적/비제도적 방해하는 장치들의 간섭에 걸려, 실제로 목사 안수를 받아 목회자로서 목회지를 가지고서, 스스로 부여한 '내적' 권위와 '부여 받는' 제도적 권위를 가지고 당당히 하느님의 일을 수행함에 이르는 남녀의 비율은 심각한 차이를 드러낸다는 사실, 그리고 개별 교회, 도심 목회지에서 실제로 목사라는 자기 직분을 걸고 목회하는 여성목회자의 행보를 찾고 함께 하기란 어렵다는 사실도 반드시 언급되고 도전되어야 한다.

한국 교회내의 성차별, 양성 불평등의 문제는 영어식 표현으로 하면 '방 안의 코끼리이다.' 너무 크고, 분명하고, 자기 부피와 파워를 가지고 있어 분명히 코끼리만큼 큰데도, 도무지 무시할 수 없고 '보고 있지 않다'고 말할 수 없는 문제인데도, 아무도 이야기 하지 않는다. 아마도 자기 자신의 밥줄이 걸려 있는 문제라 쉽게 말하기 어렵거나, 자신의 남편 목사를 위태롭게 할 수 있거나 (가족은 생계 수단을 가지고 살아 남아야 하므로), 일단 생존하기 위해서는 소리를 내서는 과정 전체를 더 어렵게 하고 어지럽히고 성공을 성취하지 못하게 할 수 있다는 등등의 불안, ... 내가 느꼈던 그 모든 것들...을 비판한다면, 약자에 대한 비판이 되고 말테다. 조직적, 제도적, 집합적 무의식적, 의식적 파워가 너무 커서, 실제로 그 내부에 있는 사람들이, 또 여성들이, 목소리를 내고, 도전하고, 영감을 주는 것을 두려워할 수 밖에 없는 시스템을 비판해야 한다.

힘있는 여성들이, 여성 목회자가, 정치와 사회와 경제에 대하여 강력하고 권위 있는 목소리를 내는 것은 그 자체로 더할 나위 없이 희망을 주고 용기를 준다. 이에 덧붙여 나는 그 용기가, 그 힘이, 여성이, 여성 목회자가 '자기 자신'에 대하여 목소리를 내는 것으로도 더 깊이 들어간다면 어떨까...하는 생각을 해본다. 여성으로서의 '자기 자신'의 이야기를 '소유'하며, 손에 쥐어서 던져 파랑을 일으키고 시스템에 도전하자.

내 작은 바램은,

내가 비록 현재 캐나다에 거주하고, 캐나다에서 목회하지만,
내 마음과 영혼의 본뜻과 열정과 애탐과 슬퍼함이
한국에 까지 닿아서
내가 캐나다에 있더라도, 한국과 한국 교회의 여성의 역사를 쓰는 하나의 작은 목소리가 되기를, ....
그런 비젼과 테마를 가지고
캐나다에서 목회하며 '다시 태양이 되기 위한' 전진을 계속 하는 것이다.


"태양의 사모" 팟캐스트를 준비 중입니다 

My friend Gloria Cope's sermon on Pentecost: WHY NOW (July 8, 2014)

PENTECOST     WHY NOW – TODAY

THE BAPTISM OF JESUS – Matthew 3: 13-17
Then Jesus came from Galilee to the Jordon to be baptized by John. But John tried to deter him, saying, “I need to be baptized by you, and do you come to me?”
Jesus replied, “Let it be so now; it is proper for us to fulfill all righteousness.” Then John consented.
As soon as Jesus was baptized, he went up out of the water. At that moment heaven opened, and he saw the Spirit of God descending like a dove and lightening on him. An a voice from heaven said, “This is my Son, whom I love; with him I am well pleased.” 

------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Pentecost is celebrated fifty days after Easter Sunday. It is considered to be the birthday of the Christian church. The Holy Spirit first came to us as promised on the first Pentecost. Many refer to this gift from God as giving us inspiration, being our motivator and like a car needing fuel… the gas! Think of ourselves as cars with an empty gas tank that is preventing us from going forward.
From Joan Chittister who believes that the Holy Spirit is the breath of God on earth who keeps the Christ vision present to souls yet in darkness, gives life even to hearts now blind; infuses energy into spirits yet weary, isolated, searching and confused. The spirit has spoken to the human heart through the prophets and gives new meaning to the Word throughout time.    
Conscious of the breath of God within and around us, we can with confidence set out on the road to God knowing that it may be rocky yet wholly transversable because the Holy Spirit makes the path with us. Under the impulse of the Spirit, we are guided. The Holy Spirit calls us to be abandoned to the will of God. It is a call to risk the consequences of God’s love here and now.
There is a danger in reading this story however, of thinking that Pentecost is just a happy tale from the past – just one of those miracles that ‘don’t happen anymore.’ 
The reason that Pentecost is one of the most important celebrations on the Christian calendar after Christmas, Epiphany, (when Jesus was baptized and first received the gifts of the Spirit) AND Easter is the fact that the Spirit’s outgoing is ongoing. 
Do we believe that? According to a poll, the percentage of self-identified Christians has fallen 10 points in the past years. We all know that congregations are shrinking and many churches are closing their doors. Why do people get sick of their churches and stop coming? I would suggest it is because we are not allowing the Holy Spirit to burn within our hearts. We lose sight of our mission. When we are simply members of a church rather than Disciples of Christ, we fail to live God’s love. The question for us then is: ARE WE AS THE CHURCH FEEDING THE WORLD’S SPIRITUAL HUNGER AND NEED OR ARE WE STANDING IN THE WAY? 
For the first Christian communities, the resurrection symbolized the emergence of the Christ-consciousness (now to be interpreted more universally) in the world.
However, as Leonard Cohen sings, “the Christ has not yet risen from the chambers of the heart.” So this human potentiality has not been realized at the collective level. Yet it is true that the Christ arises and in individuals, in the mystics, in the saints, in small sub-streams and movements of social justice. The risen Christ as been present even in the history of institutional Christianity through its mystics and reformers, but more often, betrayed again and again by corrupt institutions.
After all, it has been 2000 years since Jesus offered his vision of the kingdom and we don’t have anything like Jesus’ dream (the kingdom of heaven on earth) to show for it. In fact, the world looks a lot more like an apocalyptic nightmare on a global scale than a peaceable kingdom. 
So where are we now? The kingdom has not only not come, but the human world and the natural one (primarily because of our species’ impact) is being despoiled by our collective greed harnessed to a military industrial that acts on its demand for instant gratification. More money, more oil, more development. This is truly a global crisis and we are seated individually and collectively at what seems the Last Supper. And as we know, much of the world isn’t feasting, but facing starvation, the impacts of war and social turmoil. 
If we look at Jesus’ second coming spiritually, symbolically, it represents the coming of the peaceful, committed activist to save the world. We can’t wait for Jesus to descend from the sky after 2000 years to do it for us. It’s about our empowerment, individually and collectively, to turn things around for the planet.
We have to be the “Second Coming.” We have to make it happen by listening, being receptive, stepping out and acting. Whether or not it’s too late we can’t say, but we can know that we have to try. Giving up hope and letting our machinery crucify the earth that sustains us is not an option.1 
All my life it seems I have known God. Apparently my mother prayed for me during my birth, a troubled and painful birth in the spring of 1941. My older brother was born before the war while my other siblings were post-war babies. Living on a military base she knew how the war was affecting friends & colleagues. News from Europe on the radio was grim. I’m sure my baby soul sensed this because I’ve been a skittish kind of person all the years since. My mother’s prayers and my own, along with my relationship with God have made me stronger than I ever thought I would be.
Like most of us around my age, I grew-up with a Sunday school faith and really didn’t question or think too much about it until well into my 20s. Praying to God for guidance, to open doors and show the way was all I seemed to need for the times always wondering what was coming next. Happily and with wonder I had many beautiful God experiences to help me along at the most unexpected times. You know those AHAW moments when God’s warm love is glowing in your heart. 
One night in my mid 30s I went to bed and between my eyes closing and sleep taking hold, I experienced a lightening type of shimmering throughout my body. As if to make sure ‘it’ took, ‘it’ happened twice more. For the next while until I got a hold of myself, I behaved like a silly fool…. A fool for God one might say. I’m not kidding, I behaved like a real nut-bar… David will tell you. When I would run in to my friends, I would tell them that I knew the truth… that God was real. Now, I really couldn’t name what had happened to me that night although I did search out people I thought might help…. It wasn’t until many years later when I learned about Pentecost that I began to understand. The breath of God, the wind in the form of a gentle breeze, the Spirit moving through me…. The name the Evangelicals or Pentecostals use is being ‘slain in the Spirit’. I’m glad I was lying in bed at the time. 
This experience really did affect me more than I thought. Example.. A funny thing happened when I went to a social justice meeting with the gifts of the Spirit listed on a piece of paper attached to my back. We were all asked to do this. (list your gifts on a piece of paper) Except for me, everyone there listed their favourite crafts or skills. It was an odd but interesting experience. For what its’ worth, the first thing listed on mine was the gift of discernment. Hopefully after all this time, this particular gifts’ includes ‘wisdom’.
BEING LED BY THE SPIRIT 
In 1991, then married to Ralph, an Anglican priest working here on Vancouver Island, we went with a group of people on a Third World exposure tour to Cuernavaca, Mexico. It was a two-week program where we were exposed to religiosity, social and political issues in a Third World context. This included going into the shanties of the poorest of the poor. Through an interpreter we could ask any question we wished in order to help us understand the reasons for their poverty. I should mention that most of the poor in Mexico are indigenous people.  Arasilla, a very young mother of five children explained why she had so many children. Apparently, only when she could afford birth control could she use it. Birth control came second to eating. 
When she learned we were from Canada, while not quite clear where it was she did want to know were there Indigenous people there and were they poor? Obviously a light went on in my head knowing I lived amongst the poorest of the poor in Canada and hardly ever thought about them. I vowed to change that on my return…but how was I to do that….I mean you just can’t walk on to the Reserve and say to the first woman you met, ‘can I be your friend’? No, this would need a lot of prayer and help from God. 
A few months later I went to a secular pot-luck dinner with a friend. It turned out the key-note speaker was a woman living off the reserve then who was speaking about violence against women. Immediately I was in awe of her and the confidence she carried with her as she spoke. Later, I asked her if we could meet for coffee sometime and of course we did. We became very close friends but the miracle of our relationship was how this wonderful woman became a mentor to me. I was like a sponge, and came to understand not only her history but so much more about my own. Another AHAW experience! Jill will speak to us on the 29th of June during our aboriginal Sunday service. 
So again, what now? For all of you folks who haven’t been baptized I believe we should have a Sunday (perhaps when our new minister arrives) a first baptism and perhaps a renewal of our own baptisms. Why not, many people renew their marriage vows. This so together we can all catch fire with the Holy Spirit.  
Oh and yes, this word REPENT that we keep hearing about…. It simply means turning our life around, turning away from all the things that get in the way of our relationship with God. I remember a little girl around 7 or8 asking her pastor what sin is. I too, waited for his answer. “Separating yourself  from God.”     
In summing up It might be worth suggesting that one way to learn the presence of the Holy Spirit in our own lives is to pay attention to those little bursts of energy that come with new insights, inspiration etc. 
Going back to the scripture reading I read at the beginning, we are reminded of Jesus being baptized in the river Jordon by John the baptizer coming out of the water as the heavens opened to reveal the Spirit of God descending like a dove and lighting on him.
And in Acts 2 on the day of Pentecost we are told that the disciples and all in the crowds were filled with the Holy Spirit. Thus, through Jesus Christ, with His gift from God enabled all who were there to go and bring forth God’s Kingdom here on earth. 
My question to you today is, “If Jesus needed to be baptized to receive the gifts of the Holy Spirit in order to do His ministry here on earth… and on the day of Pentecost His disciples along with all who were there also received these gifts….what makes us think we need anything less.
I truly believe the Spirit is alive and well and burning as brightly as ever. It is for us to decide whether we are ready to put down our spiritual fire hoses to become flames of God’s wild-fire with passion and conviction. May this birthday celebration of Pentecost reignite us to be part of the fire.


“If Jesus needed to be baptized with the Holy Spirit to do his work, why not all of us.”

Pentecost Sunday 2014

  1. Susan McCaslin, Poet
Langley, B.C.
From Dialogue Magazine
Easter and the Emergence of Christ-Consciousness 

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